Hello! My name is Anna, and I’m twenty years old from Missouri (or Misery as I lovingly call it.) The sole purpose of this blog is for me to have a place to keep myself accountable to my diet, exercise, and weight. That’s what I’m telling myself anyways.
I have named this blog Sweet Tooth Sparkles for two reasons.
Reason 1) I’m 99.9% sure that I have one of the biggest sweet tooths in history. We’re talking I could hold a Guinness World Record for it.
Reason 2) I love sparkles.
So, now I’m guessing it’s time for my weight story? Let us begin.
Growing up, I was never “fat” I guess you could say. Chubby, yes. Overweight? It’s viable. Obese? No. I didn’t have the best eating habits. Both of my parents are from the South, so I grew up on Southern food aka home cooking aka lots of butter, carbs, all the good stuff that isn’t actually good. I was fairly active, I played softball, basketball, and soccer and took dance lessons as well. When I was nine, my parents decided to get me involved in theatre, and that stuck with me unlike sports.
Throughout my life my weight has always gone up and down. Even when I was younger, I would be super skinny whenever I was active, and then the second I stopped my activity, I gained weight. I was pretty insecure about it as well. I was always bigger than my friends (let’s be honest, I just had rail-thin friends.) But I really started packing on the pounds when puberty set in. It was the normal weight gain that your body has to endure in order to grow properly. I didn’t know that then, I was confused as to why I was getting fat all of a sudden while my friends where still tiny. Due to really irregular and just plain awful periods, I was placed on birth control at fourteen. I gained about thirty pounds in less than a month, and felt awful about myself. That’s when I began “dieting”.
By “dieting” I mean starving myself all day, and then binging at night. I was a big fan of diet pills, and it seemed like whatever diet my mom went on, I joined her. I was ashamed and humiliated of my body, and tried to hide it through baggy clothes. I never wore jeans, because I was terrified of a muffin top.
I was sitting down because I was too weak to stand up from not eating that weekend.
Anyways. So, earlier I mentioned that I participated in theatre. I was incredibly passionate about my craft. I took dance lessons, acting lessons, voice lessons, anything to help me get better. (Dance lessons didn’t help, I’m still an awful dancer.) My weight really held me back though. I felt like a whale next to the other girls, and didn’t want to fully put myself out there for roles because I was afraid people would judge me because of my weight. Costuming was a nightmare, I was often put in small ensemble groups where I was the largest of the bunch. Even when I was in a lead role, costuming was still a nightmare. I had incredibly low self esteem, and would often eat my feelings during my nightly binges. I hated feeling like I was hassling the costumers with my size, and endured many negative remarks from them.
“Well, because you are bigger…”
“Since you’re not like the other girls…”
“I guess we’ll have to find something bigger for Anna.”
I would also like to point out that we would fill out a costume sheet where we would list our height, weight (definitely lied about that one), and sizes. At my heaviest, I wore a size 14 dress, and 12-14 jean size. One of my “favorite” costuming stories is when I went to go try on dresses for a costume I needed the next day for a PR performance, they handed me a size 4 dress and expected it to fit. When it didn’t fit, the costume moms got frustrated. I’m still a little confused by that one.
Anyways. So, the summer before my senior year, I was involved in a show. The rehearsals were every weeknight about an hour away from where I lived. My mom was involved in the show with me, and we would carpool with several other people from our area. We often stopped for fast food, and I definitely didn’t pick the best options. I was a HUGE fan of Diet Coke. However, the caffeine would bother me when I drank it at dinner, and I would end up staying up all night. So I started switching to other sodas, ones with high sugar content but no caffeine. The combination of greasy fast food and soda made me feel gross, so by the challenge of two friends I gave up soda. One of the best decisions I have ever made.
Without the soda, I automatically felt better. I lost twenty pounds that summer, and went in to my senior year with the most confidence I have ever had.
My senior year was fantastic. I was involved in some great shows, I had great friends, and it’s still one of my favorite years to date.
However, one thing was always bothered me. My weight. I rarely felt pretty, and still didn’t have the best eating habits. I was really good at starving myself all day, and then making up for it at night. Disordered eating habits at it’s best. I was miserable in my own skin, and felt like everyone who looked at me was judging me based on my weight. I couldn’t stand to look at myself, and felt absolutely disgusting.
Summer of 2011, I hit my highest weight of 170 lbs.
That was all due to basically eating whatever the heck I wanted, whenever I wanted. That summer, I was preparing to go to college like many of my friends. And again, like many of my friends I chose Missouri State University. However, something didn’t feel right. I knew deep down I wasn’t ready, and MSU wasn’t the right school for me. But I chose to ignore that, and chalked it up to nerves. I moved into my dorm, and it hit me. I wasn’t ready. I remember the night of move in, there was a party for everyone in the field by my dorm. Instead of going to the party, I sat by myself in my suite trying to figure out how to get out of there. I was in bed before midnight (a rarity for me) and I knew I had to leave. I called my mom at 12:30 and told her I wasn’t ready, and had to go home. The next day, I walked up to the administration office, withdrew myself, and as soon as I did that it was like a weight lifted from my shoulders. I definitely felt the Lord’s presence, and I’m so glad He gave me the wisdom to get myself out of what could have been a very dangerous situation.
So, there I was, with a day and a half of college life under my belt. No job, no show, nothing. What was I to do with my time? I decided to finally tackle my weight issue. I began to eat healthy. No diet, no gimmicks, just healthy food. I also began to exercise for the first time in my life, walking anywhere from two to six miles a day and threw in some Zumba as well.
I felt amazing. I had a more positive outlook on life, I was the healthiest I had ever been, and I felt pretty. I finished up my last two shows with my theatre group.
Flour and sparkles, hot.
Like my senior year, I have very fond memories of my “in between” year. However, during the summer I got a job at Chick-fil-A. I was so excited to work at one of my favorite places to eat, and to work alongside my mom. Being surrounded by delicious food every day was not the best thing for my new lifestyle. I stopped exercising, and had a hard time resisting waffle fries and chocolate chunk cookies.
I ended up gaining back quite a bit of my weight. I felt horrible that I was back where I started. To add insult to injury, I was now alone. The majority of my friends left for school, and I was too old to perform with my theatre group. All I had was my job. Talk about lonely. Completely frustrated with my weight, I began the hCG diet in October of 2012, and got fairly good results with my first round.
I got down to my lowest weight of 142 lbs. Unfortunately, due to a breakup and relapse into old, unhealthy habits I gained back some of the weight.
So, here I am ready to get rid of the weight once and for all. I’m currently on my second (technically third, but it’s whatever) round of hCG. My ultimate goal weight is 115 lbs. My overall goal is to be happy and healthy – both mentally and physically.
I’m excited to see where this journey will take me.